Some wants are needs
October 7, 2009
I want to paint something so remarkable it makes me feel satisfied
I want to say I did something worthwhile
I want to love like it’s the only thing
I want to make children feel beautiful and capable of healing
I want to remember every bad thing that has happened to me
I want to not forget that healing comes from hurting
I want to trust and not panic when it happens
I want to have an escape plan for all situations that are serious
I want to be okay with the way I look
I want to be okay with looking the way I feel
I want to forget about petty fights
I want to always remember how beautiful my friends are
I want my family to know they are my number one love
I want those I love to know they can never do anything so bad
I want to love God without being so cynical and scared
I want to find a place I can call home
I want to find someone that is my home
Timelines are so Passe
October 7, 2009
+ climbing up the tamarind tree, so old and comforting
I was so little
+ smoking rolled up paper while the guard smoked cigarettes
it felt so grown up
+ The treehouse where we played endlessly
forcing me to grow up
+ The man with the clueless face and m&ms
a stupid grown up
+ moving to India and never feeling so alone
growing depressed
+ relocated to America and completely unsure
about growing up
+ Dating, fighting, hating, loving
and not growing at all
+ staying somewhere so that I could meet you
and looking forward to growing up
+ Not sure about love or the next move
I hate being a grown up.
Doubtful
September 14, 2009
It’s a step
It’s a step in the right direction
It’s a tough and final decision
‘Cause where will I go when I’m feeling blue?
Spinnin’ my wheels
Wastin’ my time
Makin’ you feel you’ve nothing to hide
So save me and tell me how it all got so doubtful
Leave me nothing at all
Back on the old road
You’re wishing you’ll wind me down
Give me a mouthful
And leave me nothing at all
So chalk it up to the drone
Hack it out, wear it down
Where will you go when you’re feeling blue?
So save me and tell me how it all got so doubtful
Leave me nothing at all
Back on the old road
You’re wishing you’ll wind me down
Give me a mouthful
And leave me nothing at all
So save me and tell me how it all got so doubtful
Leave me nothing at all
Back on the old road
You’re wishing you’ll wind me down
Give me a mouthful
And leave me nothing at all
~Gregory and the Hawk~
Things that make me happy :]
September 5, 2009
1. cardboard box forts
2. sidewalk chalk
3.candyland
4. cloves
5. clouds
6. star gazing
7. holding your hand
8. your patience I don’t deserve
9. waking up and feeling genuinely happy
10. feeling pretty without makeup
11. hugs from my baby brother
12. listening to records
13. indian foods
14. rainbows
15. birds
16. eyeliner
17. nintendo
18. playing with legos
19. traveling across oceans
20. clumsy things i do every single day
amazing.
August 20, 2009
2:13 a.m.
August 12, 2009
Imogen Cunningham (1883-1976)
This is her work
And this is her :]
Jude Griebel
I love him.
3:16. I love that I can look up random artists for hours :]
<3
August 11, 2009
I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Fainted to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What’s the point?
I’m but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won’t have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I face the fact that I’m just fine
I said that I’m just fine
I remember, head down,
After you had found out
Manna is a hell of a drug
And I need a little more, I think
Because enough is never quite enough
What’s enough?
I took it like a grown man crying on the pavement
Hoping you would show your face
But I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said
In at least a couple hundred days
What’d you say?
I was in the front seat, shaking it out
And I was asking if you felt alright
I never want to hear the truth
I want to hear your voice, it sounded fine
My voice, it sounded fine
I could feel my heartbeat taking me down
And for the moment, I would sleep alright
Invading with a selfish fear
To keep me up another restless night
Another restless night
The blood was dry, it was sober
The feeling of audible cracks
And I could tell it was over
From the curtains that hung from your neck
And I realized that then you were perfect
And my teeth ripping out of my head
And it looked like a painting I once knew
Back when my thoughts weren’t entirely intact
To pray for what I thought were angels
Ended up being ambulances
And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter
She was crying inside your stomach
And I felt love again
I love manchester orchester
c’est la vie
August 4, 2009
life is strange.
what i thought would be a big move to another state and leaving all my friends has turned into:
feeling less guilty about little fights with my best friend/twin
trying to figure out where to live, where I won’t feel restless
staying on longer at a coffee house that could eventually lead to the demise of my mental state
butterflies in my stomache when a certain someone kisses me
the need to listen to depressing music less and less
doubts and worries that are strangely enough accepted with open arms
being annoyed when you don’t call soon enough
and a scared feeling that this most certainly couldn’t last this long.
not with how wonderful it is.
lost cause
July 17, 2009
I’m your lost cause of good intentions
a dark ugly bruise
a crushed hand that punched the floor
nothing you would ever want.
‘Fine by me!’ I’ll scream at fate
as she cuts another cord, slams and locks all the doors
leaving me nothing but broken window glass to use
You’re just one more reminder of everything I hate
about myself, bound all my demons and tossed them around
are you fulfilled now?
But darling, why so quiet,
why so grave?
I’ve merely laid in the ground all the havoc you
have made, all the evil you exposed
in some quest for purity
laughter is the only response when you yell and beat your chest
in some resounding chord of this isn’t right
in some christian man’s fight to be honest and worthy
respected and righteous.
well who would respect such a lowly soulless needful thing
you’re just a drum without a beat
and lost cause without a plea.
Little things
July 16, 2009
that I love. The way I loved when I was little <3
(in no order)
1. Hot air balloons
2. Rachel
3. Bubble pipes
4. Dr. Suess books
5. polaroids
6. museums
7. taking walks
8. fireflies
9. foggy nights
10. old windows
11. simon and garfunkel
12. construction paper
13. painting
14. records
15. being read to
16. sleeping in blanket forts
17. foreign films
18. coloured leaves
19. swingsets
20. legos
21. rain
22. nintendo
23. treehouses
24. dairy milk chocolate
25. chocolate milk
26. stars
27. dancing with rachel
28. laughing
29. roadtrips
30. holi
31. waterguns
32. renoir
33. good books
34. sunglasses
35. regular balloons
36. trees
37. shiny rocks
38. hindi movies
39. little kids
40. writing
41. eyeliner
